Beyond This Lifetime

The other day, the Lord reminded me of how fleeting this current life really is, and how this short amount of time on earth effects our eternity.  He brought me to a very powerful story found in Luke that can encourage those who face trials and needs beyond their control.  Please take a moment to read the following story;

Luke 16:19-31

New International Version (NIV)

The Rich Man and Lazarus

¹⁹ “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. ²⁰ At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores ²¹ and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

²² “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. ²³ In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. ²⁴ So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

²⁵ “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. ²⁶ And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

²⁷ “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, ²⁸ for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

²⁹ “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

³⁰ “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

³¹ “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

Everyone has a different story and a different journey.  Some of us will face trials, like Lazarus, during this lifetime.  Where there will be wounds/needs that are visible to others around us that will be ignored, or maybe perhaps wounds that lie deep beneath the surface.  

Regardless, this temporary journey can be a very painful and lonely walk for Children of Substance Abuse, like Lazarus having his wounds licked by dogs.  You may find yourself wondering sometimes "Why won't anyone step in and help me?" Be encouraged though, because you are not alone.

From this passage, we can conclude that those in Heaven see all.  Abraham in Heaven was fully aware of the life the rich man and Lazarus had lived. Christ came to save us from this cursed and fallen world that we currently reside in, and through Him we will find our hope of comfort and justice.  For those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ they will be comforted and forever live in eternity with God.  

In this lifetime for those that know Christ, Earth is the closest thing to Hell that they will have to experience and/or endure.  Which is VERY encouraging, because we have much  to look forward to in Heaven!  Imagine a place centered around love with no sin.  

At first thought it might not be comprehendible.  A life with no yelling, abuse or fear?  A place that exists where you don't have to walk on eggshells 24/7 because you fear you might say or do the wrong thing to cause a fight?  I look forward to knowing and experiencing that kind of peace and love that can only come from God. 

Unfortunately, for those that reject the son of God, this is the closest thing to Heaven that they will ever know or experience.  The choices we make during this lifetime matter, and are observed by those we cannot see.  No matter your circumstance make today count.

Perhaps, there is not much you can do to change your circumstance, but you can choose the way you respond to your circumstance.  Find healthy supportive outlets along your journey to seek encouragement.  Surround yourself with people that know the Lord and will help you during your difficult journey.  Do not journey down the same path of those that have inflicted pain upon you.  For God will hold you accountable for your actions.

Finally, for those of you that might be living the life of the rich man, open your eyes.  This journey is far too short to blindly walk a self absorbed life straight into the pit of Hell.  You cannot take your material possessions with you when you die, and this world is not all about YOU and what YOU want.  Humble yourself and seek God.  View your possessions and blessings not as your own, but as God's.  Whatever you have been given use it to bring glory to God and to bless those around you.  Each day we are given is a fresh new start.  Therefore, reevaluate who you are living for, and carefully determine how you want to spend your eternity.  

How Will Your Story Go?

How will your story go?  Everyday we get the opportunity to play the lead role in our own life story, and we have complete creative control over our character.  Unfortunately, that's all.  We do not get to control how the other characters play out their roles around us.  We only get to determine how we react to them and our own personal choices.  We determine if we choose to be the victim, the heroin, the villain or the saint.

So, I ask you "How will your story go?" The reason that I pose this question to you is because most likely no one else ever has.  What do you want in your life?  What are you passionate about?  What kind of person do you hope to become?  Most Children of Substance Abuse are so busy trying to survive today that they are not thinking about tomorrow.  We are not given the luxury of being invested in by our parents, because we are too busy taking care of them and those around us.  I want to give you the opportunity to stop for a minute and think about what kind of story you would like to live out and write.

When I was in high school I hoped and prayed that I might someday be the first in my family to go to college.  I also hoped to do ministry and to be a loving mother and wife.  My desire was to then and now encourage those around me and to show them love.  So, I surrounded myself with role models at school and at church to help me with this quest and passion that I had set out on.  Because I pursued my passions and dreams, the little girl that started out in the trailer park did get to go to college.

When you allow yourself to dream and set goals it is important that you surround yourself with leadership that can help you to achieve them.  Just because you have a messed up home life it does not dictate who the character of your story will become.  Sure, you will have issues that you will have to work through, but it does not mean all hope is lost.  You do not have to settle for less, because you are the one writing your story!

Mother Teresa's father died when she was eight years old, at the age of twelve she knew that she wanted to commit her life to serving others and God, and at the age of eight-teen she left home to become a nun.  Mother Teresa followed her passion, set goals, and left an imprint upon history, because she did not let her circumstances dictate her life.  She chose to allow God to pave the way for her.

2 Corinthians 12:9a (LB)

I am with you; that is all you need.  My power shows up best in weak people.

There are millions of other success stories of how children that face hurdles in their life overcome them.  Your choices today impact your tomorrow.  Will your character continue to be silent about the abuse behind closed doors, or will your character overcome their fear and reach out to the school councilor for help?  Will your character dare to dream about who they want to become and set goals towards achieving what might seem to be impossible today?

Perhaps, your character loves science, reaches out to their science teacher with their hopes and ambitions to become a scientist, and someday your character discovers the cure for AIDS?  Or maybe, your character is a warrior and someday becomes a Navy Seal and saves lives?  Who ever your character is, know that today you are writing a page within your book.  The pages that you write today lay the foundation to the chapters ahead.  So, once again I ask you "How will your story go?"

Isolation

For years, I could not understand how I was an extrovert, yet, felt so alone with so many friends?  "What's wrong with me" I would think?  "It is just not rational for me to be feeling this way all of the time.  I love being around people and I naturally feed off of their energy, but I feel all alone in the world?"  Often, I felt like a piece of driftwood from a ship wreckage.  There were pieces of the boat surrounding me, but I'm not connected to any of them.  Leaving me feeling broken and disconnected from the boat/society even though my piece of the wreckage had a purpose.

As I further explored the reasoning behind the "Why do I feel all alone in the world?"  I realized that there are tendencies that I have formed from personal childhood experiences that result in me feeling isolated and all alone in the world.  Growing up in an unstable environment that is full of so much uncertainty can leave an imprint on the behaviors of these children of alcoholics/substance abuse.

For example, I can remember early on not knowing whether or not my parents would remember to pick me up from team practices.  Often times I would be the last one picked up or have to find a ride home, because my parents were so unreliable due to their drinking.  The more that I became embarrassed by their tardiness or absence I realized that they could not be trusted.  Therefore, I decided to find my own rides home from practices or games.

Instinctively, I learned to only rely upon myself and that the behavior of those around me could not be trusted.  My parents never followed through with what they said they would do and they would lie all of the time.  Because of this, I began to form internal truths "The only way to get anything accomplished for sure is to just do it yourself."  "Trust no one."  "I don't want to bother anyone."  "They're probably too busy to lend me a hand." "It's just easier to do it myself."  "Nobody really cares about me."  This type of thinking began to lay the groundwork of isolation.

As these foundational "truths" that I had set into my mind helped me to maintain control/structure with in my life. In essence it was a survival mechanism or a problem solving strategy to function within the situation I had been placed in.  Which seemed logical at the time, but sets you up for isolation and control issues later in life at with friends, at work, and especially with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  You have engrained in your mind from childhood that no one can be trusted.  That if you let anyone into your life, they will only let you down or not follow through.  If you let down your guard, then the pieces around you will begin to crumble.

By trying to create a stability to life by relying only upon yourself, you cut yourself off to deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships.  They will never get past a surface level without trust and relinquishing ultimate control.  If you can only control your actions, and not those around you.  Then unknowingly we never enter into fulfilling relationships, because we have engrained in our minds that we alone can only have control and trust.  Thus, isolating ourselves from meaningful relationships and a feeling of belonging.

In conclusion, removing oneself from isolation requires new foundational truths and effort.  Just because I felt that my parents didn't value me, care or were reliable does not mean that I should place those truths upon those around me now.  Instead, I should open myself up to the uncertainty and vulnerability that those around me deserve with the right to write their own truths about themselves.

Becoming Royalty

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; He seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor..."  I Samuel 2:8 (NIV)

This morning the good Lord reminded me that the humble and meek will inherit His Kingdom.  Finding contentment in whatever circumstance through Christ will lead you to the path of fulfillment and joy.  Some turn to alcohol and drugs to find acceptance, temporary joy, or to just numb the pain.  This endless cycle may temporarily fulfill the void that we are all on a quest to overcome, but these methods never satisfy for long.

When you cannot control your home life, stress or pending trials God still has a plan in place for those that TRUST in HIM.  Today, I pray for all of us "that not my will be done, but HIS".  Take a moment to find a quiet place and ask God to give you some perspective in your life, and then just listen for the Holy Spirit's promptings.

What is God calling you to do?  Do you trust Him?  Are you going to follow through with what He is leading you to do or not do?

A Resource for Children of Alcoholics/Abuse

The other day a blonde perky woman walked through my store doors asking if I would hang a poster up for her, and hand out some flyers about a fund raiser.  She explained to me that the fund raiser was for C.A.S.A., Court Appointed Special Advocates.  "CASA Volunteers protect a child's rights and ensures their safety" she said.  "Basically, it provides children from abusive homes a voice in the court system."

I found myself so excited to relay this information on for those that are in need and want out of their abusive home life.  Even though you are under the age of eighteen, you have rights too!  If you are a teacher or have a friend that feels trapped within their abusive home life, please pass the following info on to them.  They have volunteers all over the United States and will help, and it could save their life.

National CASA Association
100 West Harrison Street
North Tower
Suite 500
Seattle, WA  98119

800-628-3233
www.casaforchildren.org

"Stage 5 Clinger"

Do you ever feel like a "Stage 5 Clinger"?  Like, there is this insanity that drives you to the fear of abandonment?  You don't want to be this way, nor do you want to live out your relationships in this manner.  But there is just something deep down inside of you that has you convinced that people are going to leave you.

No lie, I just shared with my biological brother on the phone today that every time I hear an ambulance or cop car my throat drops into my stomach.  I'm terrified that a friend or loved one has been in a car accident or something awful has happened to one of them.  What about whenever someone close to me leaves for a trip, even if for a few days?  I cry.  Seriously, it's like a panic button just went off in my head that I might not ever see this person again.  It's like I'm morning the loss of someone that is right in front of me, and nothing has even happened to them!

This conversation was not only one sided with my brother.  He also shared stories of having the fear of being left behind or abandoned by friends or family.  As we spoke on the subject matter we were able to tie it back to our childhood.  Being Children of Alcoholics, we lived in intense uncertainty at home constantly.  Not to mention our father was taken from us in a horrible car accident.

At a young age we were conditioned to have this fear.  There was always that uncertainty as to whether or not our parents would actually make it home from the bar.  Because truth be told, there was that probability that they wouldn't come home, due to a DUI or some other reason.  We were not given the luxury of growing up with stability or predictability.

There is also the trust factor with abandonment.  Does this person still love me, or are they just going to hurt me?  When your trust is repeatedly broken as a child by your parents, in regards to their erratic behavior, you find yourself wondering if the person your with is committed to you?  Do they really love you?  It's understandable that you wonder this when growing up one minute your being told that you're loved, the next your beaten or thrown down the stairs, and then the next your being told your loved.

These fears and trained reactions cause me to just latch on!  I want the person that I'm with to know how much I love/value them, and I hate the thought of them ever leaving my sight.  I want to know what they're doing every minute of the day, because I have to ease my mind.  Wow, sounds suffocating doesn't it?

The frustrating thing is that I genuinely try to fight it, but a lot of times the fear is too powerful for me.  I see that I'm not being trusting or I'm being controlled by fear.  I also see how it smothers and effects the person I'm with.  It just bugs me to think that the way I was raised continues to effect me even now.  This is just one of many obstacles I have to overcome and change in my life, but I'm confident I will eventually!

My "Aha!" Moment

Today, my church family finished up a series entitled "Aha!"  You know when you have those "Aha!" moments in life?  This series personally convicted me this week as the pastor discussed the brother of the Prodigal Son.  If you are not familiar with this parable it will be posted at the bottom of this blog.  

Long story short, a son requests his inheritance from his father before he even passes away, leaves his family and parties the money away with prostitutes etc., ends up broke and eating with pigs, has his "Aha!" moment and realizes he would be living better as one of his father's servants, returns home humbled, father receives son with open arms and throws party, and his brother is ticked off because he thinks it's unfair.

For the first time, I saw how hardened the brother's heart was.  Instead of rejoicing that his brother had come to his senses, he focused inward and was hurt the situation.  He wanted his brother to see justice for his actions, not a broken heart that would receive forgiveness and a fresh start.  I was this brother this week, unfortunately.

My "Aha!" story begins at my daughter's bus stop.  I'm sitting on the curb, playing with my phone, and then all of a sudden I hear a woman yelling at some mid-shipmen running by "Boys!  Run on your toes like me!  You'll run faster!"  The weathered looking woman began to demonstrate to them.  The mids just laughed and carried on with their run.

While observing all of this I just sighed to myself and shook my head.  You see, this obvious homeless woman reminded me of my alcoholic mom, and I was annoyed by her.  There was no compassion and no love for this woman within my heart what so ever.  Simply, bitterness and annoyance.  "I just don't understand how people can even get to this point?  Oh, great!  She's crossing the street to talk to me now, ug." I thought to myself.  

"Excuse me!  Do you have seventeen cents that I could have?" she asked as she smoked a cigarette.  "Umm, I only have a dime on me." I responded as I dug through my pocket.  "Well, I ain't got no way to get my kid's daycare at the social security office by 5:30pm" she stated.  I knew where this was going and I was not thrilled about it, especially since it was Valentine's Day.  I was in the middle of preparing a large meal for my family to show my love, and I was not in the mood for it to be derailed from it.

"Do you have a car here" she asked?  Instantly, the Holy Spirit convicted me and asked me to help this woman out, but my heart was bitter and annoyed at her and at God.  Because I know what type of person this woman was, and it was her fault that she was in this situation.  Just like my mom.

"Well, I'm waiting on my daughter's school bus, but when they drop her off I could give you a lift.  But you're going to have to put out that cigarette, because my special needs daughter has asthma." I replied.   "It is as good as gone!  I found it on the ground, but I will put it out." said the woman.

Sure enough, she then began to give me her sob story about how she was giving up crack, etc.  "Oh, here we go!"  I unsympathetically thought to myself.  "God, why are you forcing me to deal with this today?  You know how difficult it is for me to deal with people with addictions!  Thanks a lot."  I said to God as I gave myself a pity party.

The bus arrived, and I helped my little girl off of the bus.  As we all began to pile into my car, I asked the woman what her name was?  She replied, "Isabelle with two l's and an e on the end."  I then introduced myself and told her that my daughter had the same name, spelled the same, too.  She thanked me for the ride, and began to tell me how unbelievable it was that I was willing to do this.

Isabelle then proceeded to tell me how she recently came to Christ, and that she knew that God put me in her path today.  She told me that since she came to know the Lord and began trusting him that she could see how he had been looking out for her.  She then told me that if I hadn't given her a ride that she would of had to of prostitute herself out to find the money for a bus ride.  But she really didn't want to have to do that, because she knew that God wouldn't like that.

You would think that at this point I would of been completely humbled, but in the back of my mind I was betting there would be a relapse in her faith and addiction.  Just like my mom!  My hardened heart listened to the Lord and stopped to buy her some personal care items etc. and I then delivered her to her destination.  This event stressed me out the rest of the evening, because I was now running an hour late and I was beginning to have childhood flashbacks.

All of this to say that God finally broke through this hardened heart of mine this morning and humbled me with this parable of the Prodigal Son.  In the same way, the Prodigal Son's brother couldn't see past himself and celebrate new life in another human being.  I'm sadden to say that I was selfish and judge mental to someone that God put in my path to love.  Sure, I went through the motions and listened, but my heart was in the wrong place!  Service to God means nothing if you're not able to do it out of love, regardless of the excuses.

So, there you have it!  My "Aha!" moment this week.  Please pray for me as God breaks down those harden cynical walls that are built up around my heart from my childhood.  I have a feeling that God is going to provide my heart with more moments to practice unconditional love.  Just when you think that you have you're act together, God reveals the truth about you and your heart.  

Luke 15:11-32

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Lost Son

 ¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.   ¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
   ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
   ²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
   ²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
   ²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
   ²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
   ³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³²But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”