She wasn't always this way. Once she had a job, a husband, children, a church family, and a home. My parents at one point in time were fully functioning citizens of society. Like all things, it started off slowly and then just spiraled out of control. I was six years old when my parents asked me to babysit my three year old brother on the weekends while they went out to the bars.
They would rent me a kid video, pop some popcorn, give me some phone numbers, hand me a dollar, and tuck me into the couch before leaving for the night. Before long this became a weekend routine and they would come home fighting with one another. These weren't just verbal disputes, but knock down drag out fights. It was only a matter of time before we would begin receiving regular visitation from police for domestic dispute calls. It was terrifying. My parents would tell me to lie so the police wouldn't take me away.
The interesting thing in all of this is that I thought that my family was normal. That is until I began going over to my friends homes. I began to realize that their families were different from mine. Once realizing this, I became embarrassed by my parents and avoided having friends over to my home.
Adult children of alcoholics continue to live with shame and embarrassment even after they move out of the home. Years later, a lingering feeling of resentment and helplessness plague the soul. I didn't have the cure then and I don't have the cure now. They're still emotionally draining to interact with, they're still completely self centered, and they're still highly manipulative.
The only difference from childhood and adulthood is the amount of influence you allow them to have in your life. You can determine the amount of contact that you have with them. This is a very difficult concept for bystanders to grasp. Outsiders will be quick to judge and give their opinion on what you should do.
The thing about outsiders is that they haven't walked in your shoes. They don't understand the baggage, the hurt, and the abuse that you experienced from this person. All they see is a homeless person with the "disease" of alcoholism that wants to turn their life around. But I'm here to say it is okay to give yourself time and space to heal. It took years to create those wounds, and they're not just going to heal overnight.
Personally, I choose to pray for my mother right now, because interacting with her is far too emotionally intrusive for me. It's not always easy to know what to do as an adult child of alcoholics. There is this weird sense of responsibility for them, and then on the other hand there is the barrier around your heart that was put in place for a reason.
Each scenario is unique, and only you can decide what is right for you and your situation. There is one absolute though... true healing can only begin through Christ. May the Holy Spirit guide you through your journey and bring you peace.
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