How can you ever learn to trust anyone when your own parents continually lie to you? Each time they seem sincere, and you want to believe them! Yet eventually, it becomes one more broken promise and one more disappointment. I felt like they didn't love me enough to keep their word to me, and it hurt.
This horrible cycle of broken promises can make it so difficult to learn to forgive others. After all, you have spent your entire life being lied to by your own parents. Why would you be able to let go and forgive someone else? They're just going to wind up hurting you in the end, right?
God has been working on this with me all of my life. He commands us to forgive, but I have been conditioned to believe that no one is sincere. Instead, I cut out the problem from my life. You hurt me. Therefore, I will no longer have anything to do with you.
If I cut you out of my life, I will no longer be vulnerable to you, and you will no longer hurt or disappoint me. This is how I would justify it in my mind. Seems easy enough, right? I'm just protecting myself from being hurt, right?
Well, in reality I'm setting myself up for a very lonely journey. No one can possibly live up to these standards. No one will ever be able to make it into my circle of intimacy, because I trust no one. Bottom line is that life and relationships take work, and for children of alcoholics you can multiply that by ten!
The important concept to remember in forgiveness is that it is okay to establish boundaries while rebuilding trust. This will require thought, tough conversations, and accountability. Which is work, but it pays off in the end. "Why" you might ask? Because you are not living a life of alienation and loneliness.
Running from conflict is something that I have become a pro at, but God will not give me peace with doing so. He has placed a magnify glass on this subject matter for me, and reminds me in Colossians 3:13 that this is his will.
Colossians 3:13
You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Who has broken your trust? Who have you been running from? Who do you hold resentment towards? Who are you called to forgive and establish healthy boundaries with?
Please spend time with the Lord on this subject matter, and ask him to reveal his truth to you. Listen to his voice and leading to guide you through this process. It is important for us to relearn how to effectively deal with conflict, establish boundaries, forgive, and allow others the opportunity to rebuild trust. Seek the Lord and go in peace today.
Hey sweetie, I agree with you. It is tough to trust people and its harder when that trust is broken. But, dont forget to always have faith in others, not everyone is the same and some people do make mistakes, so just choose carefully your friends, who you give second chances and all. In the end always forgive others for their mistakes, care for them and love them, but in my own opinion that does not mean that you need to be buddy buddy to everyone, sometimes is good to keep distance from those that we know are still struggling to find peace within them.
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