How Will Your Story Go?

How will your story go?  Everyday we get the opportunity to play the lead role in our own life story, and we have complete creative control over our character.  Unfortunately, that's all.  We do not get to control how the other characters play out their roles around us.  We only get to determine how we react to them and our own personal choices.  We determine if we choose to be the victim, the heroin, the villain or the saint.

So, I ask you "How will your story go?" The reason that I pose this question to you is because most likely no one else ever has.  What do you want in your life?  What are you passionate about?  What kind of person do you hope to become?  Most Children of Substance Abuse are so busy trying to survive today that they are not thinking about tomorrow.  We are not given the luxury of being invested in by our parents, because we are too busy taking care of them and those around us.  I want to give you the opportunity to stop for a minute and think about what kind of story you would like to live out and write.

When I was in high school I hoped and prayed that I might someday be the first in my family to go to college.  I also hoped to do ministry and to be a loving mother and wife.  My desire was to then and now encourage those around me and to show them love.  So, I surrounded myself with role models at school and at church to help me with this quest and passion that I had set out on.  Because I pursued my passions and dreams, the little girl that started out in the trailer park did get to go to college.

When you allow yourself to dream and set goals it is important that you surround yourself with leadership that can help you to achieve them.  Just because you have a messed up home life it does not dictate who the character of your story will become.  Sure, you will have issues that you will have to work through, but it does not mean all hope is lost.  You do not have to settle for less, because you are the one writing your story!

Mother Teresa's father died when she was eight years old, at the age of twelve she knew that she wanted to commit her life to serving others and God, and at the age of eight-teen she left home to become a nun.  Mother Teresa followed her passion, set goals, and left an imprint upon history, because she did not let her circumstances dictate her life.  She chose to allow God to pave the way for her.

2 Corinthians 12:9a (LB)

I am with you; that is all you need.  My power shows up best in weak people.

There are millions of other success stories of how children that face hurdles in their life overcome them.  Your choices today impact your tomorrow.  Will your character continue to be silent about the abuse behind closed doors, or will your character overcome their fear and reach out to the school councilor for help?  Will your character dare to dream about who they want to become and set goals towards achieving what might seem to be impossible today?

Perhaps, your character loves science, reaches out to their science teacher with their hopes and ambitions to become a scientist, and someday your character discovers the cure for AIDS?  Or maybe, your character is a warrior and someday becomes a Navy Seal and saves lives?  Who ever your character is, know that today you are writing a page within your book.  The pages that you write today lay the foundation to the chapters ahead.  So, once again I ask you "How will your story go?"

Isolation

For years, I could not understand how I was an extrovert, yet, felt so alone with so many friends?  "What's wrong with me" I would think?  "It is just not rational for me to be feeling this way all of the time.  I love being around people and I naturally feed off of their energy, but I feel all alone in the world?"  Often, I felt like a piece of driftwood from a ship wreckage.  There were pieces of the boat surrounding me, but I'm not connected to any of them.  Leaving me feeling broken and disconnected from the boat/society even though my piece of the wreckage had a purpose.

As I further explored the reasoning behind the "Why do I feel all alone in the world?"  I realized that there are tendencies that I have formed from personal childhood experiences that result in me feeling isolated and all alone in the world.  Growing up in an unstable environment that is full of so much uncertainty can leave an imprint on the behaviors of these children of alcoholics/substance abuse.

For example, I can remember early on not knowing whether or not my parents would remember to pick me up from team practices.  Often times I would be the last one picked up or have to find a ride home, because my parents were so unreliable due to their drinking.  The more that I became embarrassed by their tardiness or absence I realized that they could not be trusted.  Therefore, I decided to find my own rides home from practices or games.

Instinctively, I learned to only rely upon myself and that the behavior of those around me could not be trusted.  My parents never followed through with what they said they would do and they would lie all of the time.  Because of this, I began to form internal truths "The only way to get anything accomplished for sure is to just do it yourself."  "Trust no one."  "I don't want to bother anyone."  "They're probably too busy to lend me a hand." "It's just easier to do it myself."  "Nobody really cares about me."  This type of thinking began to lay the groundwork of isolation.

As these foundational "truths" that I had set into my mind helped me to maintain control/structure with in my life. In essence it was a survival mechanism or a problem solving strategy to function within the situation I had been placed in.  Which seemed logical at the time, but sets you up for isolation and control issues later in life at with friends, at work, and especially with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  You have engrained in your mind from childhood that no one can be trusted.  That if you let anyone into your life, they will only let you down or not follow through.  If you let down your guard, then the pieces around you will begin to crumble.

By trying to create a stability to life by relying only upon yourself, you cut yourself off to deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships.  They will never get past a surface level without trust and relinquishing ultimate control.  If you can only control your actions, and not those around you.  Then unknowingly we never enter into fulfilling relationships, because we have engrained in our minds that we alone can only have control and trust.  Thus, isolating ourselves from meaningful relationships and a feeling of belonging.

In conclusion, removing oneself from isolation requires new foundational truths and effort.  Just because I felt that my parents didn't value me, care or were reliable does not mean that I should place those truths upon those around me now.  Instead, I should open myself up to the uncertainty and vulnerability that those around me deserve with the right to write their own truths about themselves.