Beyond This Lifetime

The other day, the Lord reminded me of how fleeting this current life really is, and how this short amount of time on earth effects our eternity.  He brought me to a very powerful story found in Luke that can encourage those who face trials and needs beyond their control.  Please take a moment to read the following story;

Luke 16:19-31

New International Version (NIV)

The Rich Man and Lazarus

¹⁹ “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. ²⁰ At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores ²¹ and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

²² “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. ²³ In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. ²⁴ So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

²⁵ “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. ²⁶ And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

²⁷ “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, ²⁸ for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

²⁹ “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

³⁰ “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

³¹ “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

Everyone has a different story and a different journey.  Some of us will face trials, like Lazarus, during this lifetime.  Where there will be wounds/needs that are visible to others around us that will be ignored, or maybe perhaps wounds that lie deep beneath the surface.  

Regardless, this temporary journey can be a very painful and lonely walk for Children of Substance Abuse, like Lazarus having his wounds licked by dogs.  You may find yourself wondering sometimes "Why won't anyone step in and help me?" Be encouraged though, because you are not alone.

From this passage, we can conclude that those in Heaven see all.  Abraham in Heaven was fully aware of the life the rich man and Lazarus had lived. Christ came to save us from this cursed and fallen world that we currently reside in, and through Him we will find our hope of comfort and justice.  For those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ they will be comforted and forever live in eternity with God.  

In this lifetime for those that know Christ, Earth is the closest thing to Hell that they will have to experience and/or endure.  Which is VERY encouraging, because we have much  to look forward to in Heaven!  Imagine a place centered around love with no sin.  

At first thought it might not be comprehendible.  A life with no yelling, abuse or fear?  A place that exists where you don't have to walk on eggshells 24/7 because you fear you might say or do the wrong thing to cause a fight?  I look forward to knowing and experiencing that kind of peace and love that can only come from God. 

Unfortunately, for those that reject the son of God, this is the closest thing to Heaven that they will ever know or experience.  The choices we make during this lifetime matter, and are observed by those we cannot see.  No matter your circumstance make today count.

Perhaps, there is not much you can do to change your circumstance, but you can choose the way you respond to your circumstance.  Find healthy supportive outlets along your journey to seek encouragement.  Surround yourself with people that know the Lord and will help you during your difficult journey.  Do not journey down the same path of those that have inflicted pain upon you.  For God will hold you accountable for your actions.

Finally, for those of you that might be living the life of the rich man, open your eyes.  This journey is far too short to blindly walk a self absorbed life straight into the pit of Hell.  You cannot take your material possessions with you when you die, and this world is not all about YOU and what YOU want.  Humble yourself and seek God.  View your possessions and blessings not as your own, but as God's.  Whatever you have been given use it to bring glory to God and to bless those around you.  Each day we are given is a fresh new start.  Therefore, reevaluate who you are living for, and carefully determine how you want to spend your eternity.  

How Will Your Story Go?

How will your story go?  Everyday we get the opportunity to play the lead role in our own life story, and we have complete creative control over our character.  Unfortunately, that's all.  We do not get to control how the other characters play out their roles around us.  We only get to determine how we react to them and our own personal choices.  We determine if we choose to be the victim, the heroin, the villain or the saint.

So, I ask you "How will your story go?" The reason that I pose this question to you is because most likely no one else ever has.  What do you want in your life?  What are you passionate about?  What kind of person do you hope to become?  Most Children of Substance Abuse are so busy trying to survive today that they are not thinking about tomorrow.  We are not given the luxury of being invested in by our parents, because we are too busy taking care of them and those around us.  I want to give you the opportunity to stop for a minute and think about what kind of story you would like to live out and write.

When I was in high school I hoped and prayed that I might someday be the first in my family to go to college.  I also hoped to do ministry and to be a loving mother and wife.  My desire was to then and now encourage those around me and to show them love.  So, I surrounded myself with role models at school and at church to help me with this quest and passion that I had set out on.  Because I pursued my passions and dreams, the little girl that started out in the trailer park did get to go to college.

When you allow yourself to dream and set goals it is important that you surround yourself with leadership that can help you to achieve them.  Just because you have a messed up home life it does not dictate who the character of your story will become.  Sure, you will have issues that you will have to work through, but it does not mean all hope is lost.  You do not have to settle for less, because you are the one writing your story!

Mother Teresa's father died when she was eight years old, at the age of twelve she knew that she wanted to commit her life to serving others and God, and at the age of eight-teen she left home to become a nun.  Mother Teresa followed her passion, set goals, and left an imprint upon history, because she did not let her circumstances dictate her life.  She chose to allow God to pave the way for her.

2 Corinthians 12:9a (LB)

I am with you; that is all you need.  My power shows up best in weak people.

There are millions of other success stories of how children that face hurdles in their life overcome them.  Your choices today impact your tomorrow.  Will your character continue to be silent about the abuse behind closed doors, or will your character overcome their fear and reach out to the school councilor for help?  Will your character dare to dream about who they want to become and set goals towards achieving what might seem to be impossible today?

Perhaps, your character loves science, reaches out to their science teacher with their hopes and ambitions to become a scientist, and someday your character discovers the cure for AIDS?  Or maybe, your character is a warrior and someday becomes a Navy Seal and saves lives?  Who ever your character is, know that today you are writing a page within your book.  The pages that you write today lay the foundation to the chapters ahead.  So, once again I ask you "How will your story go?"

Isolation

For years, I could not understand how I was an extrovert, yet, felt so alone with so many friends?  "What's wrong with me" I would think?  "It is just not rational for me to be feeling this way all of the time.  I love being around people and I naturally feed off of their energy, but I feel all alone in the world?"  Often, I felt like a piece of driftwood from a ship wreckage.  There were pieces of the boat surrounding me, but I'm not connected to any of them.  Leaving me feeling broken and disconnected from the boat/society even though my piece of the wreckage had a purpose.

As I further explored the reasoning behind the "Why do I feel all alone in the world?"  I realized that there are tendencies that I have formed from personal childhood experiences that result in me feeling isolated and all alone in the world.  Growing up in an unstable environment that is full of so much uncertainty can leave an imprint on the behaviors of these children of alcoholics/substance abuse.

For example, I can remember early on not knowing whether or not my parents would remember to pick me up from team practices.  Often times I would be the last one picked up or have to find a ride home, because my parents were so unreliable due to their drinking.  The more that I became embarrassed by their tardiness or absence I realized that they could not be trusted.  Therefore, I decided to find my own rides home from practices or games.

Instinctively, I learned to only rely upon myself and that the behavior of those around me could not be trusted.  My parents never followed through with what they said they would do and they would lie all of the time.  Because of this, I began to form internal truths "The only way to get anything accomplished for sure is to just do it yourself."  "Trust no one."  "I don't want to bother anyone."  "They're probably too busy to lend me a hand." "It's just easier to do it myself."  "Nobody really cares about me."  This type of thinking began to lay the groundwork of isolation.

As these foundational "truths" that I had set into my mind helped me to maintain control/structure with in my life. In essence it was a survival mechanism or a problem solving strategy to function within the situation I had been placed in.  Which seemed logical at the time, but sets you up for isolation and control issues later in life at with friends, at work, and especially with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  You have engrained in your mind from childhood that no one can be trusted.  That if you let anyone into your life, they will only let you down or not follow through.  If you let down your guard, then the pieces around you will begin to crumble.

By trying to create a stability to life by relying only upon yourself, you cut yourself off to deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships.  They will never get past a surface level without trust and relinquishing ultimate control.  If you can only control your actions, and not those around you.  Then unknowingly we never enter into fulfilling relationships, because we have engrained in our minds that we alone can only have control and trust.  Thus, isolating ourselves from meaningful relationships and a feeling of belonging.

In conclusion, removing oneself from isolation requires new foundational truths and effort.  Just because I felt that my parents didn't value me, care or were reliable does not mean that I should place those truths upon those around me now.  Instead, I should open myself up to the uncertainty and vulnerability that those around me deserve with the right to write their own truths about themselves.

Becoming Royalty

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; He seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor..."  I Samuel 2:8 (NIV)

This morning the good Lord reminded me that the humble and meek will inherit His Kingdom.  Finding contentment in whatever circumstance through Christ will lead you to the path of fulfillment and joy.  Some turn to alcohol and drugs to find acceptance, temporary joy, or to just numb the pain.  This endless cycle may temporarily fulfill the void that we are all on a quest to overcome, but these methods never satisfy for long.

When you cannot control your home life, stress or pending trials God still has a plan in place for those that TRUST in HIM.  Today, I pray for all of us "that not my will be done, but HIS".  Take a moment to find a quiet place and ask God to give you some perspective in your life, and then just listen for the Holy Spirit's promptings.

What is God calling you to do?  Do you trust Him?  Are you going to follow through with what He is leading you to do or not do?

A Resource for Children of Alcoholics/Abuse

The other day a blonde perky woman walked through my store doors asking if I would hang a poster up for her, and hand out some flyers about a fund raiser.  She explained to me that the fund raiser was for C.A.S.A., Court Appointed Special Advocates.  "CASA Volunteers protect a child's rights and ensures their safety" she said.  "Basically, it provides children from abusive homes a voice in the court system."

I found myself so excited to relay this information on for those that are in need and want out of their abusive home life.  Even though you are under the age of eighteen, you have rights too!  If you are a teacher or have a friend that feels trapped within their abusive home life, please pass the following info on to them.  They have volunteers all over the United States and will help, and it could save their life.

National CASA Association
100 West Harrison Street
North Tower
Suite 500
Seattle, WA  98119

800-628-3233
www.casaforchildren.org

"Stage 5 Clinger"

Do you ever feel like a "Stage 5 Clinger"?  Like, there is this insanity that drives you to the fear of abandonment?  You don't want to be this way, nor do you want to live out your relationships in this manner.  But there is just something deep down inside of you that has you convinced that people are going to leave you.

No lie, I just shared with my biological brother on the phone today that every time I hear an ambulance or cop car my throat drops into my stomach.  I'm terrified that a friend or loved one has been in a car accident or something awful has happened to one of them.  What about whenever someone close to me leaves for a trip, even if for a few days?  I cry.  Seriously, it's like a panic button just went off in my head that I might not ever see this person again.  It's like I'm morning the loss of someone that is right in front of me, and nothing has even happened to them!

This conversation was not only one sided with my brother.  He also shared stories of having the fear of being left behind or abandoned by friends or family.  As we spoke on the subject matter we were able to tie it back to our childhood.  Being Children of Alcoholics, we lived in intense uncertainty at home constantly.  Not to mention our father was taken from us in a horrible car accident.

At a young age we were conditioned to have this fear.  There was always that uncertainty as to whether or not our parents would actually make it home from the bar.  Because truth be told, there was that probability that they wouldn't come home, due to a DUI or some other reason.  We were not given the luxury of growing up with stability or predictability.

There is also the trust factor with abandonment.  Does this person still love me, or are they just going to hurt me?  When your trust is repeatedly broken as a child by your parents, in regards to their erratic behavior, you find yourself wondering if the person your with is committed to you?  Do they really love you?  It's understandable that you wonder this when growing up one minute your being told that you're loved, the next your beaten or thrown down the stairs, and then the next your being told your loved.

These fears and trained reactions cause me to just latch on!  I want the person that I'm with to know how much I love/value them, and I hate the thought of them ever leaving my sight.  I want to know what they're doing every minute of the day, because I have to ease my mind.  Wow, sounds suffocating doesn't it?

The frustrating thing is that I genuinely try to fight it, but a lot of times the fear is too powerful for me.  I see that I'm not being trusting or I'm being controlled by fear.  I also see how it smothers and effects the person I'm with.  It just bugs me to think that the way I was raised continues to effect me even now.  This is just one of many obstacles I have to overcome and change in my life, but I'm confident I will eventually!

My "Aha!" Moment

Today, my church family finished up a series entitled "Aha!"  You know when you have those "Aha!" moments in life?  This series personally convicted me this week as the pastor discussed the brother of the Prodigal Son.  If you are not familiar with this parable it will be posted at the bottom of this blog.  

Long story short, a son requests his inheritance from his father before he even passes away, leaves his family and parties the money away with prostitutes etc., ends up broke and eating with pigs, has his "Aha!" moment and realizes he would be living better as one of his father's servants, returns home humbled, father receives son with open arms and throws party, and his brother is ticked off because he thinks it's unfair.

For the first time, I saw how hardened the brother's heart was.  Instead of rejoicing that his brother had come to his senses, he focused inward and was hurt the situation.  He wanted his brother to see justice for his actions, not a broken heart that would receive forgiveness and a fresh start.  I was this brother this week, unfortunately.

My "Aha!" story begins at my daughter's bus stop.  I'm sitting on the curb, playing with my phone, and then all of a sudden I hear a woman yelling at some mid-shipmen running by "Boys!  Run on your toes like me!  You'll run faster!"  The weathered looking woman began to demonstrate to them.  The mids just laughed and carried on with their run.

While observing all of this I just sighed to myself and shook my head.  You see, this obvious homeless woman reminded me of my alcoholic mom, and I was annoyed by her.  There was no compassion and no love for this woman within my heart what so ever.  Simply, bitterness and annoyance.  "I just don't understand how people can even get to this point?  Oh, great!  She's crossing the street to talk to me now, ug." I thought to myself.  

"Excuse me!  Do you have seventeen cents that I could have?" she asked as she smoked a cigarette.  "Umm, I only have a dime on me." I responded as I dug through my pocket.  "Well, I ain't got no way to get my kid's daycare at the social security office by 5:30pm" she stated.  I knew where this was going and I was not thrilled about it, especially since it was Valentine's Day.  I was in the middle of preparing a large meal for my family to show my love, and I was not in the mood for it to be derailed from it.

"Do you have a car here" she asked?  Instantly, the Holy Spirit convicted me and asked me to help this woman out, but my heart was bitter and annoyed at her and at God.  Because I know what type of person this woman was, and it was her fault that she was in this situation.  Just like my mom.

"Well, I'm waiting on my daughter's school bus, but when they drop her off I could give you a lift.  But you're going to have to put out that cigarette, because my special needs daughter has asthma." I replied.   "It is as good as gone!  I found it on the ground, but I will put it out." said the woman.

Sure enough, she then began to give me her sob story about how she was giving up crack, etc.  "Oh, here we go!"  I unsympathetically thought to myself.  "God, why are you forcing me to deal with this today?  You know how difficult it is for me to deal with people with addictions!  Thanks a lot."  I said to God as I gave myself a pity party.

The bus arrived, and I helped my little girl off of the bus.  As we all began to pile into my car, I asked the woman what her name was?  She replied, "Isabelle with two l's and an e on the end."  I then introduced myself and told her that my daughter had the same name, spelled the same, too.  She thanked me for the ride, and began to tell me how unbelievable it was that I was willing to do this.

Isabelle then proceeded to tell me how she recently came to Christ, and that she knew that God put me in her path today.  She told me that since she came to know the Lord and began trusting him that she could see how he had been looking out for her.  She then told me that if I hadn't given her a ride that she would of had to of prostitute herself out to find the money for a bus ride.  But she really didn't want to have to do that, because she knew that God wouldn't like that.

You would think that at this point I would of been completely humbled, but in the back of my mind I was betting there would be a relapse in her faith and addiction.  Just like my mom!  My hardened heart listened to the Lord and stopped to buy her some personal care items etc. and I then delivered her to her destination.  This event stressed me out the rest of the evening, because I was now running an hour late and I was beginning to have childhood flashbacks.

All of this to say that God finally broke through this hardened heart of mine this morning and humbled me with this parable of the Prodigal Son.  In the same way, the Prodigal Son's brother couldn't see past himself and celebrate new life in another human being.  I'm sadden to say that I was selfish and judge mental to someone that God put in my path to love.  Sure, I went through the motions and listened, but my heart was in the wrong place!  Service to God means nothing if you're not able to do it out of love, regardless of the excuses.

So, there you have it!  My "Aha!" moment this week.  Please pray for me as God breaks down those harden cynical walls that are built up around my heart from my childhood.  I have a feeling that God is going to provide my heart with more moments to practice unconditional love.  Just when you think that you have you're act together, God reveals the truth about you and your heart.  

Luke 15:11-32

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Lost Son

 ¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.   ¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
   ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
   ²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
   ²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
   ²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
   ²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
   ³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³²But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Angels

Hebrews 1:13-14 NLT

And God never said to any of the angels, "Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies, making them a footstool under your feet."  Therefore, angels are only servants - spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation.

Matthew 24:31 KJV

And he shall send his angels with a great sound of his trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.

Psalm 34:7 NASB

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and rescues them.


Throughout scripture God sends his angels to protect and deliver those that follow him from intense situations.  Growing up Daniel and the lion's den (Daniel 6:4-27) was a personal favorite Bible story of mine.  I liked knowing that God could send us help when needed.  Also, it showed me that when you are committed to following God at all costs, even in hard situations, that he is committed to you, too!


Daniel 6:4-27 NIV

⁴ At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. ⁵ Finally these men said, “We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God.”

   ⁶ So these administrators and satraps went as a group to the king and said: “May King Darius live forever! ⁷ The royal administrators, prefects, satraps, advisers and governors have all agreed that the king should issue an edict and enforce the decree that anyone who prays to any god or human being during the next thirty days, except to you, Your Majesty, shall be thrown into the lions’ den. ⁸ Now, Your Majesty, issue the decree and put it in writing so that it cannot be altered—in accordance with the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be repealed.” ⁹ So King Darius put the decree in writing.

   ¹⁰ Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before. ¹¹ Then these men went as a group and found Daniel praying and asking God for help. ¹² So they went to the king and spoke to him about his royal decree: “Did you not publish a decree that during the next thirty days anyone who prays to any god or human being except to you, Your Majesty, would be thrown into the lions’ den?”

   The king answered, “The decree stands—in accordance with the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be repealed.”

   ¹³ Then they said to the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, Your Majesty, or to the decree you put in writing. He still prays three times a day.” ¹⁴When the king heard this, he was greatly distressed; he was determined to rescue Daniel and made every effort until sundown to save him.

   ¹⁵ Then the men went as a group to King Darius and said to him, “Remember, Your Majesty, that according to the law of the Medes and Persians no decree or edict that the king issues can be changed.”

   ¹⁶ So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions’ den. The king said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!”

   ¹⁷ A stone was brought and placed over the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet ring and with the rings of his nobles, so that Daniel’s situation might not be changed.¹⁸ Then the king returned to his palace and spent the night without eating and without any entertainment being brought to him. And he could not sleep.

   ¹⁹ At the first light of dawn, the king got up and hurried to the lions’ den. ²⁰ When he came near the den, he called to Daniel in an anguished voice, “Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you from the lions?”

   ²¹ Daniel answered, “May the king live forever! ²² My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, Your Majesty.”

   ²³ The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.

   ²⁴ At the king’s command, the men who had falsely accused Daniel were brought in and thrown into the lions’ den, along with their wives and children. And before they reached the floor of the den, the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones.

   ²⁵ Then King Darius wrote to all the nations and peoples of every language in all the earth:

   “May you prosper greatly!

   ²⁶ “I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel.

   “For he is the living God
   and he endures forever;
his kingdom will not be destroyed,
   his dominion will never end.
²⁷ He rescues and he saves;
   he performs signs and wonders
   in the heavens and on the earth.
He has rescued Daniel
   from the power of the lions.”

Daniel is an amazing example of dedication and commitment to following God.  He is a great reminder that God doesn't have boundaries, and you can't put him in a box.  Daniel should of been a goner, but God delivered him through one of his angels.  Faith is believing in what you can't see, and trusting in something that is beyond comprehension.

When I truly stop for a minute to think about God, angels, and the entire spiritual realm in which I can't visibly see...  I'm left with a feeling of being humbled and in awe.  You can't run from God and we are never truly alone.  There is so much more going on around us that we will never know or fully understand.  Like, the car accident that you were spared from, because you were stalled by something that made you run late.

Take a moment to meditate on God, and thank him for those times that he sent an angel into your life to intervene.  Ask God to give you a faith like Daniel's, unshakeable and God fearing.  Then commit to being in the Lord's presence daily.  

Our Higher Calling

Whether you are in an abusive/dysfunctional situation, or not.  We all have a higher calling, and we are fully equipped with unique talents and gifts from God.  Now, what we do with these talents and gifts is up to us.  Some may choose to squander them away, and others will take risks to multiply their talents for God's glory.

Today in church, we read an amazing parable that reminded me that my life really isn't mine at all.  I remember reading this parable when I was living through some of my horrific lows with my family situation, and it took the focus off of what I was going through.  This parable gave me perspective and a life long mission, to touch and encourage as many people in Christ as possible.  I have made it my life long mission to see those around me commit to being in a relationship with Jesus Christ, the son of God, and my Lord and Savior.

I completely understand the fork in the road.  The moment in which you can either choose to be mad at God for the rest of your life, because of the situation you are in, or you can either place complete trust in God that He ultimately has your back.  I get it!  You might feel that life isn't fair and what's the point?

But I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear.  You don't have to allow your situation to dictate who or what you feel you are destined to become.  You determine whether or not you rebel or seek a higher calling.  Period.  Not your situation.

Matthew 25:14-30

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Bags of Gold

    ¹⁴ “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,^[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶ The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. ¹⁷ So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. ¹⁸ But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.   ¹⁹ “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.²⁰ The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’
   ²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
   ²² “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’
   ²³ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
   ²⁴ “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’
   ²⁶ “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷ Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
   ²⁸ “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. ²⁹ For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. ³⁰ And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

There is an absolute truth that we should have within the foremost part of our mind every second of the day.  HE WILL RETURN.  We will stand before God one day, and we will be held accountable for the way we have chosen to live or not live for Christ.  Despite your situation, how are you going to spend your talents?  Will you do something GREAT with them?  What is God calling you to do that you have been ignoring?

Right now, I want to urge you to not allow you situation dictate how you use your talents.  God has GREAT plans for you, and He wants you to use what He has given you to glorify Him.  Do not allow what you are going through or what you have done to keep you from what you are called to do!

Ask God to cast you a vision for your talents and listen to His promptings.

Seeking Rest?

Matthew 11:28 NASB

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

I came across this verse today, and I was reminded of how powerful God really is. When I am at my breaking point, full of stress, and no longer able to manage on my own. God reminds me to simply come and spend time with Him.

God wants you to give Him your burdens so he can lighten your load. After all, we were never meant to take them on alone in the first place! That is usually what happens when we lose focus of who is ultimately in control of our lives. What would our lives look like if we were to trust God whole heartedly with our burdens, trials, and short comings?

Would you have the ability to recognize and follow God's leadings and promptings with ease? The answer is YES! When you come to God to seek refuge and rest in Him. He will give you the comfort and the ability to trust in Him when He prompts you to move in a certain direction.

God might call you into what might seem an odd direction, but when we place our trust in Him he will later reveal the remaining portion of the path. There have been more times than I can remember in which God has called me to do something that feels uncomfortable or maybe even socially awkward. But by following His prompting and leading I later see how He lightened my load.

If you have found yourself to be stressed out or over whelmed by a current situation. Go find a quiet place and just sit with our Lord and creator. Tell Him your burdens, find peace with Him, and then listen and follow through with what He instructs you to do. God loves you so much and He wants to help you out in your daily trials. So let Him!

Lord, we are raised to believe that we need to be independent in life, but in reality we need to be dependent. Dependent on you Lord. Father, I pray for those that are facing over whelming stressful trials that need encouragement and love. Allow them to find rest in you and through the Holy Spirit. Reveal their next step and guide them through their journey. We are strongest when we walk along side you, Lord. Please remove distractions from our lives that prevent us from hearing your voice. Thank you for demonstrating such patience with us over and over again. We are so grateful for your willingness to be a part of our lives. In your name, Amen.

RUNNING AWAY

Do you see no real way out of your situation, and you can't possibly take one more day of the insanity and abuse? You want out, and running away seems like your only option. Besides, no one will really miss you, right? I know these thoughts all too well, because I once thought them for myself.

The pain and heart ache has become too much, and you are desperate for an escape. Suicide has crossed your mind, but you still have the hope that there might just be a life for you somewhere else. So, running away seems like your only option.

When I was living with my biological alcoholic parents, suffering from an unstable home life, facing regular abuse and manipulation. I struggled with these very thoughts. I just wanted a chance at life! Was that too much to ask? Why couldn't I just have a normal childhood?

At the age of fourteen I began to plot my escape. I was going to leave my home state of Indiana, and run off to a friend in California. I wanted to get as far away from my abusive family as possible. The glorious idea of hitch hiking across the country seemed like the perfect plan. I envisioned myself bouncing from one truck stop to the next. I was prepared to take extreme measures, because I had had enough!

I was sick of the police showing up at my home every weekend for domestic abuse, and doing nothing to help me and my brother. You would think that two grown people flinging one another down stairs and chasing one another with butcher knives might be a red flag to police that these children were not in capable hands?

While I was plotting my escape God brought yet another Sunday morning sermon into my life that gave me some perspective. The Bible story was about a man named Joseph. Joseph was the favorite son of his father, Jacob, and he was greatly resented by his brothers for it. Jacob loved Joseph so much that he had a special robe made for him. Which made his brothers extremely jealous. Joseph then began to have strange dreams and communicating them to his family.

One day Joseph had a dream, and he went to go tell his brothers. He said, "Guess what? Last night I had a strange dream. We were tying up bunches of grain out in the field when suddenly my bunch stood up, while all of yours gathered around and bowed to me." The brothers looked at each other in disgust, but Joseph continued. "Then I had another dream that the sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed down to me."

Long story short, Joseph really ticked off his brothers by telling them this. Following that day Jacob asked Joseph to go out and check on his brothers. As a result of following his father's instructions, he was stripped of his robe and thrown in a well by his brothers, then sold into slavery to some Egyptians. The brothers later told the father that Joseph had died.

While in Egypt, Joseph was a slave for Potiphar in his palace. He was favored by Potiphar, until one day when Potiphar's wife falsely accused him of trying to rape her. He was then placed in prison. Talk about going from one bad situation to the next!

After Joseph had been in jail for some time a cupbearer and baker to Pharaoh had been sent there. One night each of them had a dream. They told their dreams to Joseph and he told the cupbearer that he would soon be let out of jail. "Please tell Pharaoh about me, and ask him to get me out of here." Joseph said.

Pharaoh believed all that Joseph told him, and put him in charge of all the land of Egypt.

When the cupbearer was freed he forgot about what Joseph did. So Joseph stayed in jail for two more years. Until one day the Pharaoh had a dream, and nobody could explain it to him. The cupbearer then remembered what Joseph had done for him, and Joseph was brought to Pharaoh.

"Can you understand dreams?" Pharaoh asked. "I can't, but God helps me." Joseph replied. After Pharaoh had told him his dream Joseph explained, "God is warning you. There will be seven years when nothing will grow and there won't be any food for anyone."

"What can I do?" Pharaoh asked. "God has shown you what to do. There will be seven years before the bad years that will be very good. So good that there will be extra food for everyone. So you should save a little bit of each years harvest, that way you will have enough to get you through the bad years." Joseph said.

People came from all countries to buy grain from Joseph, because the whole world was in need of food. Some of those people were Joseph's brothers. When his brothers came, Joseph recognized them, but they did not know who he was. (It had been over 10 years since they had seen him).

The brothers all bowed to him because he was an important person. Just as he dreamed they would at the beginning.

After a few meetings with his brothers he could not keep it in any longer and Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph! Is my father alive?" But his brothers couldn't answer him because they were afraid. Then Joseph said, "Come here. I am your brother, the one you sold! Do not worry, and do not be angry at yourselves for selling me, because God has put me here to save people from starving."

So his father, his brothers, and their families came to live in Egypt with Joseph, and they had all the food they needed.

Okay, so a really crazy story, huh? This story revealed to me that Sunday that God is going to put us in what may seem some impossible situations. Situations that we did not bring on ourselves, and situations that we are going to want to escape from. But God has a great plan that He doesn't always let us in on. Sometimes we won't be able to fully understand or grasp it until it is all over with.

Ultimately, because of this story, I stuck it out in my situation and didn't run off to California. I trusted God and I faced my trials with Him. There was a whole bunch of trials and struggles that followed my decision, but I knew that I was in God's will. God has a plan for you, and He has not forgotten or abandoned you!

Here is my advice to you. Share your situation or struggles with a trusted guidance councilor, teacher or youth worker. Find someone that you can talk with about your situation. It will be scary at first, but trust that God will be there with you through it. Pray that God will give you encouragement and strength to face your trials. You matter to God and He wants you to include Him in your life.

Heavenly Father, I praise you for how great and powerful you are. I thank you for loving us enough to make such a sacrifice of sending your only son to die on a cross for our sins. I pray for those right now that face what seems like an impossible situation. For those that desire a different life and feel lost. Wrap your loving arms around them and help them to find a safe person to reach out to. Give them hope and the ability to trust that you have a great plans for their life. Just like you did for Joseph and for me. Please surround those reading this right now that are thinking about running away with a peace that you will be with them every step of the way. We love you, Lord. Amen.

To read the full Bible version of Joseph you can read it in Genesis 37-46.

God Bless

Death of A Parent

Saying Goodbye

As I started to walk back with the nurse to view my father’s body a knot began to form in my throat. How was I going to say goodbye? What was he going to look like? When we walked into the room he was covered with a white sheet, and the room that they had placed him in felt so cold. I crossed my arms and braced myself as the nurse pulled back the sheet. As she pulled back the blanket I could see his curly brownish red hair and then his face. It was my father lying there, lifeless.

The knot in my throat began to grow and tears swelled up in my eyes. His skin had a bluish tint to it that made his hair stand out as if it were glowing. The nurse began to leave the room and said as she left, “Sweetie, take as long as you need and you can just go back out to the waiting room when you’re done.” I nodded in agreement, and began to approach my father’s body.

Dad’s eyes were closed and he had a peaceful look about him. I placed my hand on his chest and I took a deep breath before I spoke, “Daddy, I am so sorry. I really do love you, and I really wish that I could have had one last talk with you. I’m so sorry for not loving you unconditionally. I’m so sorry. I’ll always be your little girl, and I promise to take care of mom and my brother. I really wish things didn’t end this way. I should of never of gone on that retreat, because I could of prevented this. I’m so sorry.”

The Holy Spirit within me kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, but my feelings were telling me something else. I leaned over to give my daddy one last hug and a kiss on the cheek before I left. Then I took the white sheet in my hands and pulled it back over my father’s head. I just stood there for a minute with my arms crossed and crying.

How can I leave you, and how can I say goodbye? I thought to myself. It’s so permanent, and I wasn’t truly ready for this moment. I took one last look and opened the door. With a swipe of my hands I pulled back the tears and regained my composure.

That day will forever be engrained in my mind. A guilt followed me for years, because I wasn't around that weekend to prevent my father from drinking and driving. I took the blame for his death and for him hitting that tree that day. For a fourteen year old girl this was a rather large burden to carry through life, but fortunately I had God to lighten the load.

During that time I spent much time in prayer and meditation with God. Mostly, because I felt that He was the only one that truly understood the entire dynamic of my situation. My time with God gave me the strength to make it through that difficult time and to learn the truth (that it wasn't my fault). I was given peace and a reassurance from God that He had a plan for my life and that I needed to place my trust in Him.

Personally, I now believe that God's plan for my life is to share my story with others, to encourage, and to share to share Christ's love. I now know whole heartedly that God doesn't make junk and that He truly had a plan for my childhood all along. The loss of an alcoholic parent can be an extremely difficult time, but find your peace in God. He's always willing to listen!

Adoption

There is a small portion of the population out there that understands the feeling of abandonment and loss. An emptiness and void that will permanently be a part of their timeline. Whether you were given up for adoption or removed from your home you will struggle to understand the "why?"

When I was fifteen years old, following my father's death, my mother gave me away. Fortunately, it was to a loving Christian family. My younger brother on the other hand was physically removed by social services, and bounced around from home to home. Even though I know that this was best case scenario for my situation, it bothered me.

Why was I born into this messed up family? Why did I have to deal with the feelings and emotions that came along with this baggage? Why did it have to end with me being separated from my younger brother? Why do I feel all alone in the world?

In my personal situation, I went from being the oldest child to the youngest of five. I was the only child in the family that was not biological. My new parents poured an endless amount of unconditional love, time and energy into preparing me for adulthood. Yet, I still felt like I was always trying to gain their approval and love even though I already had it.

Ultimately, I had this lie that I believed, because of my childhood timeline. I never felt that I would ever be good enough for anyone to love. This desire for perfection and success consumed me, because I thought it would make up for me not being "normal".

There was a pastor that preached on "Our Adoption Through Christ" that helped me to better understand the adoption process. He explained to the congregation that everyone who makes a decision to follow Christ is adopted into God's family. Our Father in Heaven demonstrated His love and acceptance of us through sacrifice. He chose to allow us into His family, and He has given us complete acceptance and love through is son, Jesus.

The small piece of that sermon I walked away with that day was that we were chosen. In the same way my new family chose to take me in. They made the decision to alter their life and make sacrifices for my sake. This helped me with the lie that I needed to perform for love and acceptance, because I was a part of a family now. I no longer needed to fear abandonment, because I had been chosen.

This is not to say that if you haven't found your "Forever Family" on earth that you don't have hope. You can make the decision to be a part of God's forever family. It's a really quick adoption process! All you have to do is to ask God to forgive you of your sins through Jesus and ask Him to allow you into His family.

If you ask to be a part of God's family you will never be alone. You will always be loved and cared for. You will still have trials, but you will have a Father in Heaven to pray to and to receive guidance from. You do not need to go through life feeling rejected and alone, because there is a Heavenly Father who loves you and desires to have a relationship with you.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son. That whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.

The Holidays

The Holiday Season can sometimes be the most difficult time of the year for Children of Alcoholics. The season presents more opportunities for your parents to have an excuse to drink, and you're stuck at with less options to escape the situation. For those that are grown adults, you're most likely receiving drunk phone calls reminding you of your difficult childhood.

When I was a child I tried my hardest to be at church or over at my friends homes during vacation break. This would give me a break from my difficult home life and help me to enjoy the Christmas season. When I wasn't home I felt like a different person, and I molded to the environment around me. I truly would wish and hope to eventually become this person, not the person I was when I was at home.

Though this might be a very difficult time for you, I want to remind you that you are not alone. There are others out there that face the same struggles and through Christ you can find hope and strength. Know that I am sending out a blanket of prayer for you today that will surround you. May God grant you peace, love, and the hope needed to make it through the season.

You are faced with this challenge today to mold you into the person you will become tomorrow. Go in peace and find your strength in the Lord.

Broken Trust

Over and over and over again, broken trust! Family members with addictions can cause so much harm and destruction. Then, the next day sets in the remorse for their deeds, the apologies, and the empty promises. "Sweetie, I promise that I will never drink that much again." says your parent, or, "I promise to never hurt you like that again."

How can you ever learn to trust anyone when your own parents continually lie to you? Each time they seem sincere, and you want to believe them! Yet eventually, it becomes one more broken promise and one more disappointment. I felt like they didn't love me enough to keep their word to me, and it hurt.

This horrible cycle of broken promises can make it so difficult to learn to forgive others. After all, you have spent your entire life being lied to by your own parents. Why would you be able to let go and forgive someone else? They're just going to wind up hurting you in the end, right?

God has been working on this with me all of my life. He commands us to forgive, but I have been conditioned to believe that no one is sincere. Instead, I cut out the problem from my life. You hurt me. Therefore, I will no longer have anything to do with you.

If I cut you out of my life, I will no longer be vulnerable to you, and you will no longer hurt or disappoint me. This is how I would justify it in my mind. Seems easy enough, right? I'm just protecting myself from being hurt, right?

Well, in reality I'm setting myself up for a very lonely journey. No one can possibly live up to these standards. No one will ever be able to make it into my circle of intimacy, because I trust no one. Bottom line is that life and relationships take work, and for children of alcoholics you can multiply that by ten!

The important concept to remember in forgiveness is that it is okay to establish boundaries while rebuilding trust. This will require thought, tough conversations, and accountability. Which is work, but it pays off in the end. "Why" you might ask? Because you are not living a life of alienation and loneliness.

Running from conflict is something that I have become a pro at, but God will not give me peace with doing so. He has placed a magnify glass on this subject matter for me, and reminds me in Colossians 3:13 that this is his will.

Colossians 3:13

You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Who has broken your trust? Who have you been running from? Who do you hold resentment towards? Who are you called to forgive and establish healthy boundaries with?

Please spend time with the Lord on this subject matter, and ask him to reveal his truth to you. Listen to his voice and leading to guide you through this process. It is important for us to relearn how to effectively deal with conflict, establish boundaries, forgive, and allow others the opportunity to rebuild trust. Seek the Lord and go in peace today.

Adult Children of Alcoholics

When I was a kid I thought that if I could just get to adulthood my life would be different. Today, I listened to a voicemail from my biological mother, whom is living in a shelter for woman. I listened to her on the other end of the phone pleading with me to call her. Tears swelled up in my eyes as I tried to figure out how she ever got to this point?

She wasn't always this way. Once she had a job, a husband, children, a church family, and a home. My parents at one point in time were fully functioning citizens of society. Like all things, it started off slowly and then just spiraled out of control. I was six years old when my parents asked me to babysit my three year old brother on the weekends while they went out to the bars.

They would rent me a kid video, pop some popcorn, give me some phone numbers, hand me a dollar, and tuck me into the couch before leaving for the night. Before long this became a weekend routine and they would come home fighting with one another. These weren't just verbal disputes, but knock down drag out fights. It was only a matter of time before we would begin receiving regular visitation from police for domestic dispute calls. It was terrifying. My parents would tell me to lie so the police wouldn't take me away.

The interesting thing in all of this is that I thought that my family was normal. That is until I began going over to my friends homes. I began to realize that their families were different from mine. Once realizing this, I became embarrassed by my parents and avoided having friends over to my home.

Adult children of alcoholics continue to live with shame and embarrassment even after they move out of the home. Years later, a lingering feeling of resentment and helplessness plague the soul. I didn't have the cure then and I don't have the cure now. They're still emotionally draining to interact with, they're still completely self centered, and they're still highly manipulative.

The only difference from childhood and adulthood is the amount of influence you allow them to have in your life. You can determine the amount of contact that you have with them. This is a very difficult concept for bystanders to grasp. Outsiders will be quick to judge and give their opinion on what you should do.

The thing about outsiders is that they haven't walked in your shoes. They don't understand the baggage, the hurt, and the abuse that you experienced from this person. All they see is a homeless person with the "disease" of alcoholism that wants to turn their life around. But I'm here to say it is okay to give yourself time and space to heal. It took years to create those wounds, and they're not just going to heal overnight.

Personally, I choose to pray for my mother right now, because interacting with her is far too emotionally intrusive for me. It's not always easy to know what to do as an adult child of alcoholics. There is this weird sense of responsibility for them, and then on the other hand there is the barrier around your heart that was put in place for a reason.

Each scenario is unique, and only you can decide what is right for you and your situation. There is one absolute though... true healing can only begin through Christ. May the Holy Spirit guide you through your journey and bring you peace.

...how deep his love really is.

Ephesians 3:16-19

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

This is my prayer for you today. If you are feeling empty or aimless, please place your trust in him. He loves you. When you trust God with the little things and the big things he will give you power, and a new kind of hope. God wants you to have joy and peace. He wants you to have an unbreakable inner strength that not even the enemy can penetrate.

When you allow the Holy Spirit to fill your heart, you will no longer be alone. He will be your guide and protector from evil. As an act of love God has given it to whomever receives the Holy Spirit. Go in peace today knowing that God's love surrounds you, and it is greater than we will ever understand.

Meditate on Ephesians 3:16-19 and give your thoughts to the Lord for he loves you.

Avoiding Conflict

Conflict... Who really likes conflict? Doesn't it sometimes seem like certain people thrive off of it? Not me, I run from it! Yet, somehow it causes more conflict? I'm not really sure if this is a character trait or a learned behavior from childhood?

Many times growing up, I would look for the fastest way to diffuse conflict among my drunk parents. I wouldn't tell them what I really thought or how I really felt, because I didn't want to be physically harmed. Unfortunately, this behavioral form of survival has spilled over into my adult life.

There are so many times at work when I have so badly wanted to give my professional opinion, but everything within me just freezes up. I won't speak up if I feel that I am about to enter a heated debate. I'll simply remain quiet or avoid the subject matter all together. Later finding myself frustrated of the circumstance that I'm stuck with. I will then look to someone else to be my voice.

A co-worker recently asked me, "Why don't you stand up for yourself? What are you afraid of?" After thinking about it for a minute. I replied, "I'm fearful of the consequences." She looked at me puzzled. I told her that I'm always thinking about cause and effect, and how life can so often resemble a chess game. She shook her head at me and said, "You can't control or predict what others will do."

Everything within me disagreed with her, because I've been forced to do it all my life. Observe and manipulate were the words that came to my mind. I have learned through the years to observe others, calculate their possible reactions, and manipulate the environment around me through cause and effect.

All this to say, I never learned at a young age how to effectively address conflict. This has revealed to me that I only seem to know how to avoid direct conflict, because I just want everyone to get along. Maybe through time and more self reflection I will be able to find my voice with no fears of what the consequences it might bring?