How Will Your Story Go?

How will your story go?  Everyday we get the opportunity to play the lead role in our own life story, and we have complete creative control over our character.  Unfortunately, that's all.  We do not get to control how the other characters play out their roles around us.  We only get to determine how we react to them and our own personal choices.  We determine if we choose to be the victim, the heroin, the villain or the saint.

So, I ask you "How will your story go?" The reason that I pose this question to you is because most likely no one else ever has.  What do you want in your life?  What are you passionate about?  What kind of person do you hope to become?  Most Children of Substance Abuse are so busy trying to survive today that they are not thinking about tomorrow.  We are not given the luxury of being invested in by our parents, because we are too busy taking care of them and those around us.  I want to give you the opportunity to stop for a minute and think about what kind of story you would like to live out and write.

When I was in high school I hoped and prayed that I might someday be the first in my family to go to college.  I also hoped to do ministry and to be a loving mother and wife.  My desire was to then and now encourage those around me and to show them love.  So, I surrounded myself with role models at school and at church to help me with this quest and passion that I had set out on.  Because I pursued my passions and dreams, the little girl that started out in the trailer park did get to go to college.

When you allow yourself to dream and set goals it is important that you surround yourself with leadership that can help you to achieve them.  Just because you have a messed up home life it does not dictate who the character of your story will become.  Sure, you will have issues that you will have to work through, but it does not mean all hope is lost.  You do not have to settle for less, because you are the one writing your story!

Mother Teresa's father died when she was eight years old, at the age of twelve she knew that she wanted to commit her life to serving others and God, and at the age of eight-teen she left home to become a nun.  Mother Teresa followed her passion, set goals, and left an imprint upon history, because she did not let her circumstances dictate her life.  She chose to allow God to pave the way for her.

2 Corinthians 12:9a (LB)

I am with you; that is all you need.  My power shows up best in weak people.

There are millions of other success stories of how children that face hurdles in their life overcome them.  Your choices today impact your tomorrow.  Will your character continue to be silent about the abuse behind closed doors, or will your character overcome their fear and reach out to the school councilor for help?  Will your character dare to dream about who they want to become and set goals towards achieving what might seem to be impossible today?

Perhaps, your character loves science, reaches out to their science teacher with their hopes and ambitions to become a scientist, and someday your character discovers the cure for AIDS?  Or maybe, your character is a warrior and someday becomes a Navy Seal and saves lives?  Who ever your character is, know that today you are writing a page within your book.  The pages that you write today lay the foundation to the chapters ahead.  So, once again I ask you "How will your story go?"

Isolation

For years, I could not understand how I was an extrovert, yet, felt so alone with so many friends?  "What's wrong with me" I would think?  "It is just not rational for me to be feeling this way all of the time.  I love being around people and I naturally feed off of their energy, but I feel all alone in the world?"  Often, I felt like a piece of driftwood from a ship wreckage.  There were pieces of the boat surrounding me, but I'm not connected to any of them.  Leaving me feeling broken and disconnected from the boat/society even though my piece of the wreckage had a purpose.

As I further explored the reasoning behind the "Why do I feel all alone in the world?"  I realized that there are tendencies that I have formed from personal childhood experiences that result in me feeling isolated and all alone in the world.  Growing up in an unstable environment that is full of so much uncertainty can leave an imprint on the behaviors of these children of alcoholics/substance abuse.

For example, I can remember early on not knowing whether or not my parents would remember to pick me up from team practices.  Often times I would be the last one picked up or have to find a ride home, because my parents were so unreliable due to their drinking.  The more that I became embarrassed by their tardiness or absence I realized that they could not be trusted.  Therefore, I decided to find my own rides home from practices or games.

Instinctively, I learned to only rely upon myself and that the behavior of those around me could not be trusted.  My parents never followed through with what they said they would do and they would lie all of the time.  Because of this, I began to form internal truths "The only way to get anything accomplished for sure is to just do it yourself."  "Trust no one."  "I don't want to bother anyone."  "They're probably too busy to lend me a hand." "It's just easier to do it myself."  "Nobody really cares about me."  This type of thinking began to lay the groundwork of isolation.

As these foundational "truths" that I had set into my mind helped me to maintain control/structure with in my life. In essence it was a survival mechanism or a problem solving strategy to function within the situation I had been placed in.  Which seemed logical at the time, but sets you up for isolation and control issues later in life at with friends, at work, and especially with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.  You have engrained in your mind from childhood that no one can be trusted.  That if you let anyone into your life, they will only let you down or not follow through.  If you let down your guard, then the pieces around you will begin to crumble.

By trying to create a stability to life by relying only upon yourself, you cut yourself off to deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships.  They will never get past a surface level without trust and relinquishing ultimate control.  If you can only control your actions, and not those around you.  Then unknowingly we never enter into fulfilling relationships, because we have engrained in our minds that we alone can only have control and trust.  Thus, isolating ourselves from meaningful relationships and a feeling of belonging.

In conclusion, removing oneself from isolation requires new foundational truths and effort.  Just because I felt that my parents didn't value me, care or were reliable does not mean that I should place those truths upon those around me now.  Instead, I should open myself up to the uncertainty and vulnerability that those around me deserve with the right to write their own truths about themselves.

Becoming Royalty

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; He seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor..."  I Samuel 2:8 (NIV)

This morning the good Lord reminded me that the humble and meek will inherit His Kingdom.  Finding contentment in whatever circumstance through Christ will lead you to the path of fulfillment and joy.  Some turn to alcohol and drugs to find acceptance, temporary joy, or to just numb the pain.  This endless cycle may temporarily fulfill the void that we are all on a quest to overcome, but these methods never satisfy for long.

When you cannot control your home life, stress or pending trials God still has a plan in place for those that TRUST in HIM.  Today, I pray for all of us "that not my will be done, but HIS".  Take a moment to find a quiet place and ask God to give you some perspective in your life, and then just listen for the Holy Spirit's promptings.

What is God calling you to do?  Do you trust Him?  Are you going to follow through with what He is leading you to do or not do?

A Resource for Children of Alcoholics/Abuse

The other day a blonde perky woman walked through my store doors asking if I would hang a poster up for her, and hand out some flyers about a fund raiser.  She explained to me that the fund raiser was for C.A.S.A., Court Appointed Special Advocates.  "CASA Volunteers protect a child's rights and ensures their safety" she said.  "Basically, it provides children from abusive homes a voice in the court system."

I found myself so excited to relay this information on for those that are in need and want out of their abusive home life.  Even though you are under the age of eighteen, you have rights too!  If you are a teacher or have a friend that feels trapped within their abusive home life, please pass the following info on to them.  They have volunteers all over the United States and will help, and it could save their life.

National CASA Association
100 West Harrison Street
North Tower
Suite 500
Seattle, WA  98119

800-628-3233
www.casaforchildren.org

"Stage 5 Clinger"

Do you ever feel like a "Stage 5 Clinger"?  Like, there is this insanity that drives you to the fear of abandonment?  You don't want to be this way, nor do you want to live out your relationships in this manner.  But there is just something deep down inside of you that has you convinced that people are going to leave you.

No lie, I just shared with my biological brother on the phone today that every time I hear an ambulance or cop car my throat drops into my stomach.  I'm terrified that a friend or loved one has been in a car accident or something awful has happened to one of them.  What about whenever someone close to me leaves for a trip, even if for a few days?  I cry.  Seriously, it's like a panic button just went off in my head that I might not ever see this person again.  It's like I'm morning the loss of someone that is right in front of me, and nothing has even happened to them!

This conversation was not only one sided with my brother.  He also shared stories of having the fear of being left behind or abandoned by friends or family.  As we spoke on the subject matter we were able to tie it back to our childhood.  Being Children of Alcoholics, we lived in intense uncertainty at home constantly.  Not to mention our father was taken from us in a horrible car accident.

At a young age we were conditioned to have this fear.  There was always that uncertainty as to whether or not our parents would actually make it home from the bar.  Because truth be told, there was that probability that they wouldn't come home, due to a DUI or some other reason.  We were not given the luxury of growing up with stability or predictability.

There is also the trust factor with abandonment.  Does this person still love me, or are they just going to hurt me?  When your trust is repeatedly broken as a child by your parents, in regards to their erratic behavior, you find yourself wondering if the person your with is committed to you?  Do they really love you?  It's understandable that you wonder this when growing up one minute your being told that you're loved, the next your beaten or thrown down the stairs, and then the next your being told your loved.

These fears and trained reactions cause me to just latch on!  I want the person that I'm with to know how much I love/value them, and I hate the thought of them ever leaving my sight.  I want to know what they're doing every minute of the day, because I have to ease my mind.  Wow, sounds suffocating doesn't it?

The frustrating thing is that I genuinely try to fight it, but a lot of times the fear is too powerful for me.  I see that I'm not being trusting or I'm being controlled by fear.  I also see how it smothers and effects the person I'm with.  It just bugs me to think that the way I was raised continues to effect me even now.  This is just one of many obstacles I have to overcome and change in my life, but I'm confident I will eventually!

My "Aha!" Moment

Today, my church family finished up a series entitled "Aha!"  You know when you have those "Aha!" moments in life?  This series personally convicted me this week as the pastor discussed the brother of the Prodigal Son.  If you are not familiar with this parable it will be posted at the bottom of this blog.  

Long story short, a son requests his inheritance from his father before he even passes away, leaves his family and parties the money away with prostitutes etc., ends up broke and eating with pigs, has his "Aha!" moment and realizes he would be living better as one of his father's servants, returns home humbled, father receives son with open arms and throws party, and his brother is ticked off because he thinks it's unfair.

For the first time, I saw how hardened the brother's heart was.  Instead of rejoicing that his brother had come to his senses, he focused inward and was hurt the situation.  He wanted his brother to see justice for his actions, not a broken heart that would receive forgiveness and a fresh start.  I was this brother this week, unfortunately.

My "Aha!" story begins at my daughter's bus stop.  I'm sitting on the curb, playing with my phone, and then all of a sudden I hear a woman yelling at some mid-shipmen running by "Boys!  Run on your toes like me!  You'll run faster!"  The weathered looking woman began to demonstrate to them.  The mids just laughed and carried on with their run.

While observing all of this I just sighed to myself and shook my head.  You see, this obvious homeless woman reminded me of my alcoholic mom, and I was annoyed by her.  There was no compassion and no love for this woman within my heart what so ever.  Simply, bitterness and annoyance.  "I just don't understand how people can even get to this point?  Oh, great!  She's crossing the street to talk to me now, ug." I thought to myself.  

"Excuse me!  Do you have seventeen cents that I could have?" she asked as she smoked a cigarette.  "Umm, I only have a dime on me." I responded as I dug through my pocket.  "Well, I ain't got no way to get my kid's daycare at the social security office by 5:30pm" she stated.  I knew where this was going and I was not thrilled about it, especially since it was Valentine's Day.  I was in the middle of preparing a large meal for my family to show my love, and I was not in the mood for it to be derailed from it.

"Do you have a car here" she asked?  Instantly, the Holy Spirit convicted me and asked me to help this woman out, but my heart was bitter and annoyed at her and at God.  Because I know what type of person this woman was, and it was her fault that she was in this situation.  Just like my mom.

"Well, I'm waiting on my daughter's school bus, but when they drop her off I could give you a lift.  But you're going to have to put out that cigarette, because my special needs daughter has asthma." I replied.   "It is as good as gone!  I found it on the ground, but I will put it out." said the woman.

Sure enough, she then began to give me her sob story about how she was giving up crack, etc.  "Oh, here we go!"  I unsympathetically thought to myself.  "God, why are you forcing me to deal with this today?  You know how difficult it is for me to deal with people with addictions!  Thanks a lot."  I said to God as I gave myself a pity party.

The bus arrived, and I helped my little girl off of the bus.  As we all began to pile into my car, I asked the woman what her name was?  She replied, "Isabelle with two l's and an e on the end."  I then introduced myself and told her that my daughter had the same name, spelled the same, too.  She thanked me for the ride, and began to tell me how unbelievable it was that I was willing to do this.

Isabelle then proceeded to tell me how she recently came to Christ, and that she knew that God put me in her path today.  She told me that since she came to know the Lord and began trusting him that she could see how he had been looking out for her.  She then told me that if I hadn't given her a ride that she would of had to of prostitute herself out to find the money for a bus ride.  But she really didn't want to have to do that, because she knew that God wouldn't like that.

You would think that at this point I would of been completely humbled, but in the back of my mind I was betting there would be a relapse in her faith and addiction.  Just like my mom!  My hardened heart listened to the Lord and stopped to buy her some personal care items etc. and I then delivered her to her destination.  This event stressed me out the rest of the evening, because I was now running an hour late and I was beginning to have childhood flashbacks.

All of this to say that God finally broke through this hardened heart of mine this morning and humbled me with this parable of the Prodigal Son.  In the same way, the Prodigal Son's brother couldn't see past himself and celebrate new life in another human being.  I'm sadden to say that I was selfish and judge mental to someone that God put in my path to love.  Sure, I went through the motions and listened, but my heart was in the wrong place!  Service to God means nothing if you're not able to do it out of love, regardless of the excuses.

So, there you have it!  My "Aha!" moment this week.  Please pray for me as God breaks down those harden cynical walls that are built up around my heart from my childhood.  I have a feeling that God is going to provide my heart with more moments to practice unconditional love.  Just when you think that you have you're act together, God reveals the truth about you and your heart.  

Luke 15:11-32

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Lost Son

 ¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.   ¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
   ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
   ²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
   ²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
   ²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
   ²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
   ³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³²But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Angels

Hebrews 1:13-14 NLT

And God never said to any of the angels, "Sit in the place of honor at my right hand until I humble your enemies, making them a footstool under your feet."  Therefore, angels are only servants - spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation.

Matthew 24:31 KJV

And he shall send his angels with a great sound of his trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.

Psalm 34:7 NASB

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and rescues them.


Throughout scripture God sends his angels to protect and deliver those that follow him from intense situations.  Growing up Daniel and the lion's den (Daniel 6:4-27) was a personal favorite Bible story of mine.  I liked knowing that God could send us help when needed.  Also, it showed me that when you are committed to following God at all costs, even in hard situations, that he is committed to you, too!


Daniel 6:4-27 NIV

⁴ At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. ⁵ Finally these men said, “We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God.”

   ⁶ So these administrators and satraps went as a group to the king and said: “May King Darius live forever! ⁷ The royal administrators, prefects, satraps, advisers and governors have all agreed that the king should issue an edict and enforce the decree that anyone who prays to any god or human being during the next thirty days, except to you, Your Majesty, shall be thrown into the lions’ den. ⁸ Now, Your Majesty, issue the decree and put it in writing so that it cannot be altered—in accordance with the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be repealed.” ⁹ So King Darius put the decree in writing.

   ¹⁰ Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before. ¹¹ Then these men went as a group and found Daniel praying and asking God for help. ¹² So they went to the king and spoke to him about his royal decree: “Did you not publish a decree that during the next thirty days anyone who prays to any god or human being except to you, Your Majesty, would be thrown into the lions’ den?”

   The king answered, “The decree stands—in accordance with the law of the Medes and Persians, which cannot be repealed.”

   ¹³ Then they said to the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, Your Majesty, or to the decree you put in writing. He still prays three times a day.” ¹⁴When the king heard this, he was greatly distressed; he was determined to rescue Daniel and made every effort until sundown to save him.

   ¹⁵ Then the men went as a group to King Darius and said to him, “Remember, Your Majesty, that according to the law of the Medes and Persians no decree or edict that the king issues can be changed.”

   ¹⁶ So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions’ den. The king said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!”

   ¹⁷ A stone was brought and placed over the mouth of the den, and the king sealed it with his own signet ring and with the rings of his nobles, so that Daniel’s situation might not be changed.¹⁸ Then the king returned to his palace and spent the night without eating and without any entertainment being brought to him. And he could not sleep.

   ¹⁹ At the first light of dawn, the king got up and hurried to the lions’ den. ²⁰ When he came near the den, he called to Daniel in an anguished voice, “Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you from the lions?”

   ²¹ Daniel answered, “May the king live forever! ²² My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, Your Majesty.”

   ²³ The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.

   ²⁴ At the king’s command, the men who had falsely accused Daniel were brought in and thrown into the lions’ den, along with their wives and children. And before they reached the floor of the den, the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones.

   ²⁵ Then King Darius wrote to all the nations and peoples of every language in all the earth:

   “May you prosper greatly!

   ²⁶ “I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel.

   “For he is the living God
   and he endures forever;
his kingdom will not be destroyed,
   his dominion will never end.
²⁷ He rescues and he saves;
   he performs signs and wonders
   in the heavens and on the earth.
He has rescued Daniel
   from the power of the lions.”

Daniel is an amazing example of dedication and commitment to following God.  He is a great reminder that God doesn't have boundaries, and you can't put him in a box.  Daniel should of been a goner, but God delivered him through one of his angels.  Faith is believing in what you can't see, and trusting in something that is beyond comprehension.

When I truly stop for a minute to think about God, angels, and the entire spiritual realm in which I can't visibly see...  I'm left with a feeling of being humbled and in awe.  You can't run from God and we are never truly alone.  There is so much more going on around us that we will never know or fully understand.  Like, the car accident that you were spared from, because you were stalled by something that made you run late.

Take a moment to meditate on God, and thank him for those times that he sent an angel into your life to intervene.  Ask God to give you a faith like Daniel's, unshakeable and God fearing.  Then commit to being in the Lord's presence daily.